I memang perlu nampak dia depan mata, kalau boleh setiap hari. Memang perlu buat masa ini. Apatah lagi dikala ini kami sedang mengira hari. Hari yang mungkin amat sedih for me dan separa sedih to him if he managed to get a new place later.
I think I kena ada some permanent connnection with him supaya benda ini akan berkekalan. Maksud I, I'll not over depressed if something happpen between us. I don't want to get thru the old feelings when BB left me last time (changed working place je pun!!) Tapi... Uikss..sedih giler I time tu dibuatnya..macam mati laki lagaknya kerana memang kerja I asyik menangis dan menangis. Mana taknya, jalan pegi keja and balik kerja adalah tempat BB and I selalu hang out together. Mata masih terpandang-pandang kelibat BB atau keretanya.. mereng sekejaplah..That feeling was hurting me so bad :-(
And this time, I memang tengah prepared my mental supaya lebih kuat and stabil bila the counting days is over.
Please pray for me.
Sometimes I rasa, adakah I ni betul-betul bonded and connected to him? Sebab, ada one day, he betul-betul sedih sebab Pak Bogus make unexpected decision for him. He told me about this in the morning and from that moment, I asyik dok fikir and fikir and fikir pasal tu sampai I tetiba got high fever pulak waktu malamnya. The next day baru okay. Crazy kan?
Macam mana nak buang this? Or is it happen because I'm worried too much about him? All this while pun, all the crazy things happened to me mostly because of him. Tak minta (doa) pun, but indirectly mesti kena kat I balik. I merana and ntah-ntah beliau bersuka ria macam biasa.
Susah macam ni. Tunggang langgang sikit hidup I. If lah I betul-betul 'official ada apa-apa' dengan dia, my life will be easy. I won't face any hard time. Boleh tak, I nak doa supaya I ada apa-apa dengan dia? It is just for the stability of my mental emotion later on :-(
Ya, Allah. I need your guidance.
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